Cold as Hail?

Why Parents and Educators Should Be Happy About a Possible TikTok Ban

By Clint Von Gundy

I don’t use TikTok. I have better things to do… like scroll Instagram. Still, TikTok finds a way to insinuate itself into my life on a near daily basis. It turns out that TikTok users crosspost between platforms and so it’s not an unusual occurrence for TikTok videos to find their way into my other feeds, which are mostly videos of cats and, for some reason, snapping turtles.

During the weird period of time between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, I found myself on the couch, flipping through Instagram reels (or whatever they’re called), when I came across a reposted TikTok that goes something like this:

A woman, who appears to be in her car (social media and operating a vehicle are a bad combination, by the way), wears a bemused look. The caption reads: “It took me nearly 50 years to realize it’s ‘Cold as Hail’ not ‘Hell…’”.

We then cut to a man who reads from what I guess is a Reddit post that informs him that “cold as Hail” is the correct idiom because hail is literally freezing and Hell is associated with flames and heat.

Both actors in this miniature drama seem as if the scales have been finally lifted from their eyes, and they step blinking into a new world, one which is not founded on lies.

There are a couple of problems with this TikTok. 

First, the correct phrase is in fact “cold as Hell”. Many cultures associate their underworlds with the frigidity. In Dante’s Inferno (which I, an intellectual, have actually read), the ninth and lowest circle of Hell is actually a frozen lake, the most famous visual depiction of which is a 19th-century engraving by the French artist Gustave Doré. Lucifer, trapped waist-deep in ice, is munching on the historical traitors Cassius, Brutus, and Judas Iscariot–disloyalty was Dante’s most egregious sin.

Upon seeing this video, I got off the couch (for the first time in 48 hours) and explained all of the above to my husband, who really just wanted to get back to whatever he was doing.

Second, while the inaccuracy of the TikTok Itself may seem innocuous, it reveals a couple of troubling aspects of how society, especially its young people, interact with media. True, most people haven’t read Dante, but think of how quickly something that is untrue becomes true for consumers of (mis)information simply because it was packaged as a funny meme. When viewed through this lens, alarmism about potentially nefarious propaganda injected into our feeds by bad actors does not seem so Chicken Little-ish. The internet is simply a much more dangerous place now, especially for young people. The real danger is not physical predators so much as it is mental and psychological parasites. Misinformation used to be slow-moving – you had to wait for your conspiracy-minded uncle to forward a chain email. These days, social media, often unmonitored by parents, can put out-and-proud misogynist and accused rapist Andrew Tate in front of your impressionable child in a heartbeat. Young people are now using TikTok and other social media to self-diagnose everything from ADHD to childhood trauma. There is simply no way to turn off the firehose of bad content short of disconnecting the wi-fi and throwing all of your devices into the sea.

The tools of media literacy that I once used in my classrooms seem charmingly outdated now. I think gifted children may be especially vulnerable because their curiosity may cause them to begin experimenting with ideas that lead to antisocial thoughts and behaviors. When I taught middle school at a gifted magnet, I had to dress down all of the boys in the program because they found it “funny” to repeat a sexually offensive joke they picked up from an eighth-grader in the locker room. These were smart kids who “should have known better.” And yet, there I was, giving a thirty minute sermon on the importance of not being creepy around girls and women. The point is, even gifted students aren’t immune from bad influences.

Gifted kids may also be better at covering their tracks when they wander into questionable online spheres. Further, as a child, I am fairly certain that my desire to be the smartest person in the room sometimes led me to adopt intellectual positions that were contrary to good citizenship, and sometimes I didn’t even actually believe what I was advocating for. 

Banning TikTok, by far the most popular platform among young people (and therefore the most likely to salt the earth of their growing minds) is largely a social good. But, like the Hydra, cutting off one head simply makes room for two more to grow, to say nothing of Instagram, X, Discord, Reddit, Facebook, etc. What are parents and educators to do? The answer simply cannot be the constant surveillance and censorship of our young people’s media diets. Trying to shelter them from this particular storm more or less guarantees that they will never leave the shelter.

Rather, what parents and educators need to do is redouble their efforts to foster a healthy sense of suspicion and skepticism in children. Train them to always interrogate any pronouncement from any figure claiming authority or expertise. Teach them to reason both philosophically and morally.

Here are some great questions to start with:

• Why do I want to believe this is true or untrue?
• How does the person trying to make me believe this is true or untrue benefit?
• How can I confirm that it’s true or not? What would be convincing evidence?
• What are the positive and negative consequences of this idea, and what will I do about it? 
• Are there flaws in the logic of what is being presented? What makes it sound reasonable even if it’s nonsense? Are my emotions being used against me?
• How can I convince others of its truth or untruth, especially if believing or not believing carries potential harm?
• What will I do if it’s not true, especially if I am emotionally invested in it being true?

Such an approach to knowledge may well make a child annoying to their peers, professors, and politicians, but the alternative is truly horrifying. 

By the way, healthy skepticism and critical thinking are bolstered when individuals have a deep well of knowledge from which to draw, so make your kids read Dante.

Update: The status of TikTok is back up in the air since I first penned this essay, so I guess we’ll just see. In the meantime, at least have a conversation with your kid about the perils of the platform. And call your member of congress to remind them that if they support the ban, they should stand by their vote.